How I Hit Rock Bottom and Accidentally Moved to Germany

I’ve decided nobody should be listening to me, ever. I think I’ve managed to make every wrong decision a person can possibly make in twenty three years. Thinking about the future sends me spiraling straight into my private museum of failures, the one where every bad choice just sits there, gathering dust and guilt. And I can still feel it when I slam the door.

At twenty one, I dropped out of college because the burnout from financial stress, academic pressure, and a horrific breakup made me want to crawl out of my own skin and I spontaneously moved to Germany. Now I work a dead end job because I survived being a stay at home girlfriend to a drug addict… who told me I didn’t have to work. (Amazing idea past Elizabeth. Thanks for that.)

Spoiler: by the end of that relationship, I had zero dollars, no degree, no prospects, and a thoroughly bruised sense of reality and ego.

So now, at twenty three, I have the extremely unique vantage point of being “born again” two decades later, with little to my name besides my cat and a frankly alarming lust for life. And obviously, this makes me the perfect person to start a bi-weekly life advice slash update blog.

Because when you’ve hit rock bottom… it can only go up from here.Right, guys?

Falling Apart (and Then Moving to Germany?)

I actually think being forced to hit rock bottom might be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I have a real knack for doing extremely well for myself against all odds. Case in point: I dropped out, packed my life into two suitcases, and moved to Germany to work as an au pair for three extremely German children who held their country’s stereotypes for almost everything except manners, respect, and being on the quiet side.

And you know what? I loved it.

I wouldn’t trade that time for anything, although it was only financially possible because of my long distance, high effort, emotionally treacherous relationship… which completely financed my life.

That relationship alone could be its own telenovela or a Colleen Hoover level bestseller. The goods and bads, the highs and lows, a near marriage arc, a blindsiding breakup, an Instagram story exposé?? All true. All for another day.

Things Germany Taught Me (For Better)

My time abroad taught me so much about myself. For example:

• I’m the jealous type, to an unhealthy degree.

• I love language learning more than I expected (and I’m good at it!).

• My body is a machine designed to turn normal interactions into the most awkward scenes occurring across any universe.

I spent so many afternoons at Café Müller, practicing my German and eating food that was… just fine. (Listen, Germans are not known for their cuisine. They’re known for their winning attitudes and overwhelming friendliness. Obviously.)

All jokes aside, Bavaria is the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived. The roses in the spring? Stunning. The weekend markets in the square, surrounded by gothic architecture? Made my heart sing. I was so proud of myself for moving to a country I’d never been to — a continent I’d never been to — completely alone.

But even while living this Pinterest worthy life, I made myself miserable by staying in a codependent long distance relationship. Looking back, I feel like such an idiot. But I remind myself: if you’re growing, you’re not failing.

Something I Know Now

The best thing you can do in this life is be kind to yourself. At the end of the day, you’re the only person you can truly count on. Everyone else can leave you, disappoint you, or straight-up confuse you. I know I sound Machiavellian and nihilistic, but it’s true.

I’m not saying the world will abandon you, I’m saying it might, and that’s why it’s so important to love yourself and understand your own power. You can become whoever you want. You can do whatever you want. Never let a parent, partner, or friend tell you you can’t do something great.

Even at your lowest, brokest, most flop era… you can still do insane shit.

I always wanted to move abroad and I did it. BITCHHHH.

I’m back in Texas now, but nobody can ever take that from me. It’s something I did, something I earned, and something I will have forever.

So What Girl? (A Semi-Functional Plan)

Well, here I am: a cold hard slab of Elizabeth meat and emotions. Well, actually, this is the internet so… just the emotions. But I promise my metaphorical heart is on the table — or, um, in the 1s and 0s you’re reading right now.

So here’s the plan, team. Like Gwen Stefani said before her lobotomy: “You’re still a super hot female.” I am twenty three years young, in the prime of my life, with at least thirteen dollars to my name, an adorkable cat, and a Google Doc filled with semi irrational ideas.

And honestly, I’ve never felt better. (This may be a manifestation.)No, no — let’s roll with it. I’m doing great. I’ve never felt better. There is no man behind the curtain controlling my choices. Life is harder than it’s ever been, but I thrive under pressure because I am far too hot to be a broke loser.

I feel hopeful. I have ambition that’s been dormant for years (possibly jump started by the sudden resurgence of 2014 YouTube and all the nostalgia, but WHO CARES). There’s something drug-like about starting over when nobody expects anything from you. No expectations, no five year plan looming over your head. Just you, your drive, your passion, and whatever delusion you choose to dive into completely.

And I guess that’s literally why I’m writing this blog. Real time revelation.

I’ve spent so much of my life living retroactively:What could I have done differently? What could I have said to make them stay? Who could I become to make my father proud?

If you spend all your time looking back, you’ll relive the worst parts of your life a million times — and you should love yourself too much to punish yourself like that.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve also lived reactively:When will they leave? What’s the next disaster? What next horrible thing will occur? What’s the next relationship, the next escape route?

This is not it. It’s not fulfilling. It’s draining to the max.

So I’ve decided I need to live in the moment, even if just a little. And why not document it while I’m at it? Give the people what they want. Everyone deserves their pound of flesh haha.

If I’m going to be dramatic (and you know I will be), I might as well be productive about it. You can watch me sort through the mess in my head and in my life, laugh about it, cry about it, and maybe even help someone who feels equally fucked by their early twenties.

Lets Get It Brodie

In my life now, I get to rebuild myself. It’s almost better I was beaten down to a pulp, because the foundation I was growing up on was about as stable as one of those funny looking houses on stilts by the ocean. And my life? Hurricane Katrina.

So, game plan people (subject to change because what is life lol):

• I want to go back to school. It’s hard, but if starting over were easy, everyone would do it.

• I’m going to continue traveling, because nothing fills my soul more.

• I want to keep proving to myself that I’m someone to be proud of, someone who knows what she wants, fights for what she believes in, and doesn’t lose herself in relationships.

• Someone who can still look in the mirror and love herself even when everything is crumbling.

It won’t be perfect, far from it. I have always been an awkward freak. Dramatics, breakdowns, epiphanies… all par for the course. And if that doesn’t do it for you, I can guarantee at least one embarrassing story per week.

But that’s the point of life anyway.

Hi. Hello. Welcome.

So, hi! Long winded introduction. Like imagine if we were together in person and I just said all of this to you. You would definitely be backing away slowly and wondering if I needed mental help. Funny thing is, I’m very much like this in person, and my friends have to put up with it daily. So keep them in your thoughts, because you’re choosing to read this and they have to endure me.

Welcome to Misguided Muses. I’m attempting to figure my life out loudly online and be kind to myself in the process, while seeing both the beauty and the horror in my day to day.

So come one, come all  hitch your wagon to this star, and perhaps things won’t feel so horrific while you’re figuring your shit out too. :)

Thanks for letting me talk at you. — Elizabeth Mignon